I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35, NRSV
Getting Our Expectations in the Right Place
I've met people who think that, because we are a Christian school, we do not see the kind of behavior that is visible in a public school environment. We should not have students who pick on others, who use bad language, who engage in bad habits, who talk out of turn in class, who exhibit racism or prejudices, who call others names, who abuse drugs or alcohol, or who engage in bullying.
The main difference in this regard is that we exercise more control in a different style of managing student behavior than public education, and we have expectations of behavior from students that is based on the Christian gospel. While most of our parents understand this, and have themselves made professions of faith, and some of our students have as well, not all of them are at the point where they have either given their heart to the Lord, or where the Holy Spirit has convicted them to the point of having their values reflect his indwelling presence. Of course, the churches they come from aren't perfect, yet, either.
While we are not exempt from seeing the kind of behavior from students that other schools see, we do see much less of it. That is because our school is organized and build on a distinctively Christian foundation, and our rules, including the way we handle student discipline, and procedures are based on Biblical principle. We handle behavior problems differently, helping students see the problem with making unwise choices in order to avoid them again, using prayer and their reading and understanding of the scripture to solve problems. We also give consideration to a measure of grace in our discipline policy, and it works because it is biblical, and intentional.
What is Bullying?
There is a clear distinction between what most parents call "bullying," or think is "bullying," and what psychologists define as bullying.
The day to day interaction between students, which can sometimes include incidents of pushing, hitting, name calling, and which occur when students become irritated either with one another, or with something outside the classroom, are not signs of "bullying" by definition. These are things which will happen in any classroom, at any time children of a certain age get together, and under normal circumstances, are usually resolved by either re-directing the behavior or addressing it and providing a warning of consequences if it continues. It may occasionally re-occur, and provide an opportunity to teach the students how to resolve it, and learn some social skills in the process.
Bullying is a much less visible, and much more serious problem.
According to the American Psychological Association, bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. It is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing comments, or threats, in order to abuse aggressively dominate or intimidate one or others. It is repeated and habitual behavior.
Bullying is almost always aimed at one specific victim. A victim is someone the bully has found to be "soft" in terms of resistance, creating a sense of personal gratification in actions aimed at hurting or making uncomfortable. What makes a victim is an unwillingness to resist the bully, putting themselves in a position where they are repeatedly vulnerable.
While the previous behaviors mentioned, those things which are part of normal classroom interactions over time, are usually visible, and spontaneous, real bullying is much more difficult to find, and much more hidden. Victims tend to avoid reporting the bully, and in some cases, will go to great lengths not to allow anyone to find out. Of course, bullies are also grateful not to be discovered.
Behavior Expectations in a Christian School Classroom
We are, of course, teaching our students not only to develop good social skills, but to include biblical values in the discipline plan. Jesus himself elevated the principle of loving one's neighbor to the highest form of Christian expression. It is our desire to teach our students to be considerate of their fellow students, to be courteous, and as the first and greatest commandment states, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. This, along with a measure of grace, is written into our discipline plan.
Unacceptable behavior is defined by our school policy, which is biblically based. In order for a disciplinary note to be issued, which includes a consequence, a teacher or staff member must observe and confirm the behavior, and have talked to the student prior to the write-up. While one student reporting the behavior of another is acceptable, we cannot levy a consequence for something that we did not see, but we can be on the alert for future similar behavior.
Genuine bullying rises to a different level. We would consider any bullying that is uncovered and revealed as a serious offense, requiring immediate parental resolution. We would require counseling in order for the issue to be resolved and we would take steps to make sure the student was complying with the expectations we set in order for them to continue to attend classes at MCA. In some cases, remaining at school here might not be possible until a counselor released the student to do so.
In most cases, bullying is revealed by finding the victim. Systematic bullying will produce behavior in a victim that eventually becomes visible, while the one doing the bullying is careful not to be exposed. It is rare for a victim of bullying to come forward. In most cases I've observed, it takes long term observation, and the victim must sense that they are in need of help to escape it. Things to look for include a tendency to isolate, or "hide out," appearing depressed, uninterested in things that once were of high interest, being absorbed in electronic entertainment, and withdrawing from personal relationships with friends and family members. Most bullying is verbal, not necessarily physical, and with school aged students, happens via social media.
Christian schools are not exempt because they operate under Biblical principles. Even in covenant-based Christian schools, there is no way to determine the sincerity of anyone's faith, and there are students who do not live according to the principles of the Christian gospel, no matter how faithful their family might be. Let's not forget that this kind of power over people's lives was one of the things with which Satan tempted Jesus, which tells us how powerful it can be.
Helping Parents Get a Clearer Perspective of Bullying
Every school has a set of issues and problems to deal with which come from being a community made up of students who are learning, not only basic academic skills, but how to cope with relationships as they grow and develop to be the person God created. As a school, we try to sense ways we can help parents with their perceived needs, and help their children as we teach them basic life skills.
We have parents whose observation of the culture and society around us have raised their interest in becoming better informed about bullying. We try to respond to these needs as we can, as a school, and if we can locate a source of information that will enable us to keep our parents informed, we will do our best to help.
We are planning a virtual event for our parent community, at some point before the end of the school year, to provide basic information to help them increase their understanding and awareness and be in position to locate, and prevent a problem before it begins. We will give plenty of advanced notice, and in the meantime, if you have any questions, please feel free to address them with the school principal.