I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another. John 13:34-35, NRSV
Getting Our Expectations in the Right Place
I've met people who think that, because we are a Christian school, we do not see the kind of behavior that is visible in a public school environment. We should not have students who pick on others, who use bad language, who engage in bad habits, who talk out of turn in class, who exhibit racism or prejudices, who call others names, who abuse drugs or alcohol, or who engage in bullying.
The main difference in this regard is that we exercise more control in a different style of managing student behavior than public education, and we have expectations of behavior from students that is based on the Christian gospel. While most of our parents understand this, and have themselves made professions of faith, and some of our students have as well, not all of them are at the point where they have either given their heart to the Lord, or where the Holy Spirit has convicted them to the point of having their values reflect his indwelling presence. Of course, the churches they come from aren't perfect, yet, either.
While we are not exempt from seeing the kind of behavior from students that other schools see, we do see much less of it. That is because our school is organized and build on a distinctively Christian foundation, and our rules, including the way we handle student discipline, and procedures are based on Biblical principle. We handle behavior problems differently, helping students see the problem with making unwise choices in order to avoid them again, using prayer and their reading and understanding of the scripture to solve problems. We also give consideration to a measure of grace in our discipline policy, and it works because it is biblical, and intentional.
What is Bullying?
There is a clear distinction between what most parents call "bullying," or think is "bullying," and what psychologists define as bullying. From MCA's perspective as an independent Christian school, our definition of "bullying" also involves the expectations of behavior we teach which is based on biblical principles interpreted in a standard, recognized way, collectively. It's not "this is what I think bullying is," it is how the psychological definition of bullying is handled through the principles of scripture.
The day to day interaction between students, which can sometimes include incidents of pushing, hitting, name calling, and which occur when students become irritated either with one another, or with something outside the classroom, are not signs of "bullying" by definition. These are things which will happen in any classroom, at any time children of a certain age get together, and under normal circumstances, are usually resolved by either re-directing the behavior or addressing it and providing a warning of consequences if it continues. It may occasionally re-occur, and provide an opportunity to teach the students how to resolve it, and learn some social skills in the process.
Bullying is a much less visible, and much more serious problem.
According to the American Psychological Association, bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. It is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing comments, or threats, in order to abuse aggressively dominate or intimidate one or others. It is repeated and habitual behavior.
Bullying is almost always aimed at one specific victim. A victim is someone the bully has found to be "soft" in terms of resistance, creating a sense of personal gratification in actions aimed at hurting or making uncomfortable. What makes a victim is an unwillingness to resist the bully, putting themselves in a position where they are repeatedly vulnerable.
While the previous behaviors mentioned, those things which are part of normal classroom interactions over time, are usually visible, and spontaneous, real bullying is much more difficult to find, and much more hidden. Victims tend to avoid reporting the bully, and in some cases, will go to great lengths not to allow anyone to find out. Of course, bullies are also grateful not to be discovered.
Behavior Expectations in a Christian School Classroom
We are, of course, teaching our students not only to develop good social skills, but to include biblical values in the discipline plan. Jesus himself elevated the principle of loving one's neighbor to the highest form of Christian expression. It is our desire to teach our students to be considerate of their fellow students, to be courteous, and as the first and greatest commandment states, to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. We teach our students that the way we show others that we love God with all our heart, soul and mind is the way we treat those who are around us every day. This, along with a measure of grace, is written into our discipline plan.
Unacceptable behavior is defined by our school policy, which is biblically based. In order for a disciplinary note to be issued, which includes a consequence, a teacher or staff member must observe and confirm the behavior, and have talked to the student prior to the write-up. While one student reporting the behavior of another is acceptable, and is the means by which inappropriate behavior can be observed, and eliminated, we cannot levy a consequence for something that we did not see, but we can be on the alert for future similar behavior.
Genuine bullying rises to a different level. We would consider any bullying that is uncovered and revealed as a serious offense, requiring immediate parental resolution. We would require counseling that is rooted in Christian theology and based on the principles of the Christian gospel in order for the issue to be resolved and we would take steps to make sure the student was complying with the expectations we set in order for them to continue to attend classes at MCA. In some cases, remaining at school here might not be possible until a counselor or pastor determined that an attitude of repentance and commitment had been seen, enough to put a stop to negative behavior.
In most cases, bullying is revealed by finding the victim. Systematic bullying will produce behavior in a victim that eventually becomes visible, while the one doing the bullying is careful not to be exposed. It is rare for a victim of bullying to come forward. In most cases I've observed, it takes long term observation, and the victim must sense that they are in need of help to escape it. Things to look for include a tendency to isolate, or "hide out," appearing depressed, uninterested in things that once were of high interest, being absorbed in electronic entertainment, and withdrawing from personal relationships with friends and family members. Most bullying is verbal, not necessarily physical, or it involves the bully creating a wall of separation by manipulating other students to alter their relationships with the victim.
Christian schools are not exempt because they operate under Biblical principles. Even in covenant-based Christian schools, there is no way to determine the sincerity of anyone's faith, and there are students who do not live according to the principles of the Christian gospel, no matter how faithful their family might be. One of the temptations Jesus experienced was Satan offering to provide him with controlling power over people's lives. And I can point you to pastors and church leaders who will testify of bullying that has taken place within the context of their own local church. Human beings are subject to temptation and need the strength of the Christian community to combat it.
Dealing With a Bullying Situation
Our classrooms, cafeteria and playground where students interact with each other every day are well supervised. But bullying is a behavior that eludes supervision, and makes detection difficult. The place where everything needs to start at school is with your child's teacher. More than likely, it will be the teacher who notices the bullying. That is the best way to establish a written record of specific events that can be used to identify bullying activity and to confront the bully.
The school will require any student whose written disciplinary record indicates their involvement in a bullying situation to seek professional counseling from a Christian counselor we recommend, as well as the advice and counsel of their church's pastoral staff. We will follow the counselor's recommendations, which may include having the student identified as a bully removed from their classroom and the school community until they have resolved the issue to the satisfaction of the counselor.